Allegiant: Can Nobody Do Their Job?!

We all know that big movie studios tend to get a bad rap for being cold-hearted corporations with their eyes set purely on the money, so it’s nice to see that Lionsgate has shown a little compassion and decided to let an entire crew of Divergent fans produce the third installment in the Shailene Woodley-fronted franchise.

Or at least that’s the impression you get when watching Allegiant. It’s as though the studio big-wigs sat back in their high-backed leather-bound chairs and nonchalantly pressed the green button to give this monstrosity the go-ahead.

allegiant-naomi-watts-theo-james-ansel-elgort-shailene-woodleyWhether movies based on YA novels are your cup of tea or not, most people could tell that both Divergent and Insurgent were above average films as we followed Tris (Woodley) in a dystopian Chicago split up into factions. Insurgent actually ended with a solid cliffhanger, setting up Allegiant to break new ground in author Veronica Roth’s world.

But it falls so spectacularly short of any sort of middling expectations you might have had. For a two-hour film, 110 minutes is utter gash – the best 10 minutes are the final ones, as the credits roll and you can start taking names of who’s responsible for such drivel.

It’s near impossible to summarise the plot because it’s largely nonsensical; filled with not very bright people doing not very bright things, causing an almighty mess in the process. When all’s said and done, nothing’s changed, no-one’s changed. There’s literally no point to the story.

shailene-woodley-ansel-elgort-jeff-daniels-allegiantTo make matters worse, the dialogue is more often than not unbearable. Full of cliches delivered by wooden actors while the camera zooms in for a close-up on their oh so distraught little faces.

Why some of the world’s finest actors, such as Jeff Daniels and Octavia Spencer, agreed to utter these janky lines is beyond me. It’s hard to tell whether Theo James was in the middle of auditioning to be Batman because for some unknown reason his voice has dropped to a gravelly growl. The entire cast is laughable. Woodley, Ansel Elgort and Miles Teller are two of the most exciting young actors in Hollywood, but even they can’t save this.

The score is horrendous, as if some futuristic Foghorn Leghorn is being strangled by a robot. The VFX look as though they’ve been lifted from a Playstation 2 era space-shooter. The direction’s awful, the DoP seems undecided as to what he wants to do and the editing is clunky.

I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. There are no redeeming qualities to this film. Absolutely none.

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